(director: Jason Moore; screenwriter: Mark Hammer; cinematographer: Peter Deming; editor: Joc Crotzer; music: Pinar Toptak; cast: Jennifer Coolidge (Carol Fowler), Cheech Marin Robert (Rivera), Lenny Kravitz (Sean Hawkins), Josh Dunamel (Tom), Jennifer Lopez (Darcy Rivera), Selena Tan (Margy), Sonia Braga (Renata Ortiz), D’Arcy Carden (Harriet), Callie Hernandez (Jamie Rivera); Runtime: 100; MPAA Rating: R; producer: Todd Lieberman/David Hoberman/Alexander Young/Jennifer Lopez/Elaine Goldsmith-Thomas/Benny Medina; Maximum Effort/Prime Video; 2022)

“You would have to threaten to make me walk the plank to see it again.”

Reviewed by Dennis Schwartz

An action romantic/comedy that supports some lush tropical scenery along with terrible dialogue, bad taste and unfunny comedy, as it can’t marry comedy with violence without flopping. It’s directed in a colorless way by Jason Moore (“Pitch Perfect”/”Tales of the City”) and is poorly written by Mark Hammer.

The forgettable studio film is about the wedding of the lawyer Darcy (Jennifer Lopez) and failed baseball player Tom (Josh Dunamel), at a tropical resort in the Philippines, that’s hijacked by pirates taking only the wedding guests hostage. The bickering couple will then spend the remainder of the film running around the island looking to get the pirates and zapping those in their way who may be pirates.

The only viable comedy comes from the supporting characters–an underused Jennifer Coolidge as Tom’s overbearing naive mom, Cheech Marin as JLO’s lecherous yoga teacher father, and Sonia Braga as JLO’s opinionated mom. These supporting actors add some needed laughs to an otherwise laugh-free comedy. 

Lenny Kravitz appears as Darcy’s wealthy ex lover, who gets an invite to the wedding and shows up in his private jet making the groom jealous.

You would have to threaten to make me walk the plank to see it again.