AFTER WE COLLIDED
(director/writer: Roger Kumble; screenwriter: Anna Todd/Mario Celya/based on the novel “After We Collided” by Anna Todd; cinematographer: Larry Reibman; editor: Anita Brandt-Burgoyne; music: Justin Burnett; cast: Josephine Langford (Tessa), Hero Fiennes Tiffin (Hardin Scott), Shane Paul McGhie (Landon), Louise Lombard (Trish), Dylan Sprouse (Trevor), Candice King (Kim), Samuel Larsen (Zed), Inanna Sarkis (Molly), Khadijha Red Thunder (Steph), Charlie Weber (Christian Vance), Selma Blair (Carol), Rob Estes (Ken), Karimah Westbrook (Karen); Runtime: 105; MPAA Rating: R; producers: Jennifer Gibgot, Nicolas Chartier, Anna Todd, Aron Levitz, Courtney Solomon, Mark Canton, Brian Pitt.; Voltage Pictures; 2020)
“Only meant for its young targeted audience that has the stomach for such tripe.”
Reviewed by Dennis Schwartz
Roger Kumble (“Just Friends”/” Falling Inn Love”) bases this dreadful teen sudser on an Anna Todd novel. The last film of an Anna Todd novel was “After” (2019). It was a PG-13 romance story which many critics considered the worst film of the year (though commercially successful because of its large fanbase for cheesy “Twilight”-like films). It is garbage like its predecessor, but with more curses words and an R rating. Even if it tries for more self-aware campy humor, the film is still a clunker. Its writers Mario Celya and Anna Todd give it a dull story, one-dimensional characters, more romantic clichés than before and a film only meant for its young targeted audience that has the stomach for such tripe.
The sequel picks up one month after the first film ends. The star-crossed lovebirds, Tessa (Josephine Langford) and Hardin (Hero Fiennes Tiffin), end their toxic relationship (with them living apart after he taunts her that he only wanted to seduce her). College student Tessa begins a coveted internship with publishing powerhouse Vance Publishing. Her job is to read manuscripts for her domineering boss Christian Vance (Charlie Weber). She still has time to flirt with her geeky straight-laced co-worker Trevor (Dylan Sprouse).
After a Christmas visit by Hardin’s mom (Louise Lombard), Tessa agrees to go on fake dates with bad boy Hardin while still not forgiving him for his betrayal, as she dates him even though she’s still dating Dylan.
The gist of this miserable film is watching this obnoxious and vacuous couple make-up and break-up numerous times, while I annoyingly sat through this nonsense and couldn’t care less what happened.
What I learned from the film is that real men dress in black and get tattoos with no anesthesia during the process. I also learned that these chick films don’t generate much interest in men.
REVIEWED ON 10/30/2020 GRADE: C-