LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS

(director: Phil Claydon; screenwriters: Paul Hupfield, Stewart Williams; cinematographer: David Higgs; editor: James Herbert; music: Debbie Wiseman; cast: James Corden (Fletch), Matthew Horne (Jimmy Maclaren/Baron Wolfgang Maclaren), Paul McGann (The Vicar), MyAnna Buring (Lotte), Silvia Colloca (Carmilla), Vera Filatova (Eva), Ashley Mulheron (Trudie), Louise Dylan (Anke), Lucy Gaskell (Judy), (Wolfgang MacLaren ); Runtime: 86; MPAA Rating: R; producer: Steve Clark-Hall, Angad Paul; Alliance (Momentum); 2009-UK)

“Written by Stewart Williams and Paul Hupfield with an insatiable urge to suck.”

Reviewed by Dennis Schwartz

A vampire film with more shortcomings than most such genre films. The title says it all for the horror-sex comedy directed without restraint by Phil Claydon (“Crawlspace”/”Alone”) and written by Stewart Williams and Paul Hupfield with an insatiable urge to suck.

Two nerdy best English buddies, Fletch (James Corden) and Jimmy Maclaren (Mathew Horne), encounter a delicious nest of beautiful Sapphic bloodsuckers in a remote village of Cragwich, Norfolk, who lust for each other’s bods and have a craving for blood. The boys randomly ventured there for some relief because Jimmy was just dumped again by his fickle, self-centered girlfriend Judy (Lucy Gaskell) and Fletch was fired from his clown job for punching a kid.

The back story tells of a Sapphic vampire curse in the village caused by Carmilla (Silvia Colloca), the village lesbian vampire who was slain with a forged sword by the Baron Maclaren (Horne) after she vamped his wife Eva (Vera Filatova).

The horrible story unfolds with the hope its campy tale can be viewed as being so bad it’s good. Lots of luck with that aim, as this film’s best asset is that it’s over before it sets in how dreary is all the debauchery.

REVIEWED ON 10/25/2016       GRADE: C