ICE PIRATES

(director/writer: Stewart Rafill; screenwriter: Stanford Sherman; cinematographer: Matthew Leonetti; editor: Tom Walls; music: Bruce Broughton; cast: Robert Urich (Jason), Michael D. Roberts (Roscoe), Mary Crosby (Princess Karina), Anjelica Huston (Maida), Ron Perlman (Zeno), John Carradine (Supreme Commander of the Templar Knights), Alan Caillou (The Count), Jeremy West (Zorn), Bruce Vilanch (Wendon), John Matuszak (Killjoy), Natalie Core (Nanny), Marcia Lewis (Frog Lady); Runtime: 91; MPAA Rating: PG; producer: John Foreman; MGM/UA Entertainment; 1984)

“Crudely settles for being a low-level goofy spoof of Star Wars.”

Reviewed by Dennis Schwartz

A dumb quipster B-budget swashbuckler pretending to be a sci-fi film. It’s directed in a tongue and cheek manner by Stewart Rafill (“Mac and Me”/”High Risk”/”When the North Wind Blows”). Rafill along with co-writer Stanford Sherman moves it along as a silly intergalactic tale about pirates, robots, smuggling and slavery.

In the distant future, in a faraway galaxy, the ruler is the evil supreme commander of the Templar Knights (John Carradine), who controls the delivery mechanisms of the little water remaining after the space wars left the universe dry. Space raider Captain Jason (Robert Urich) and his robot building sidekick Roscoe (Michael D. Roberts) and the other brigands on his rocket ship, that include Zeno (Ron Perlman) and the evil Maida (Angelica Huston), garbed in a striking metallic bra, raid ships for the valuable stolen giant ice cubes they are carrying. On the raid, they kidnap the imperious Princess Karina (Mary Crosby), whose explorer father is missing after searching for a mysterious mythical planet rumored to possess water. On the urging of the princess, the pirates go with her in search of her father. A romance blossoms between the princess and the anti-hero pirate captain.

The slight film tries some witless smart-aleck jokes, fails in its intention to be campy and crudely settles for being a low-level goofy spoof of Star Wars. Even the art direction and special effects are not that special.

REVIEWED ON 6/26/2015 GRADE: C+