ANACONDA
(director/writer: Tom Gormican; screenwriters: Kevin Etten, based on a story by Hans Bauer, Jim Cash and Jack Epps Jr.; cinematographer: Nigel Bluck; editors: Craig Alpert, Gregory Plotkin; music: David Fleming; cast: Jack Black (Doug McCallister), Paul Rudd (Ronald Griffin Jr.), Thandiwe Newton (Claire Simons), Selton Mello (Santiago), Steve Zahn (Kenny Trent), Daniela Melchior (Ana Almeida), Ione Skye (Malie), Ice Cube; Runtime: 99; MPAA Rating: PG-13; producers: Kevin Etten, Andrew Form, Brad Fuller, Tom Gormican; Columbia Pictures; 2025)
The comedy is silly but not funny.”
Reviewed by Dennis Schwartz
Tom Gormican (“That Awkward Moment”/”The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent”) directs this disappointing remake of the popular but schlocky cult classic Anaconda (1997) that he co-writes with Kevin Etten.
The comedy is silly but not funny.
“Anaconda” follows a group of wannabe filmmakers who are interested that the filming rights to the new “Anaconda” franchise has become available, as discovered by the failed LA actor Ronald Griffin Jr. (Paul Rudd) who returns unemployed to his hometown of Buffalo. His Buffalo friends all loved the movie as children. This opportunity to make a new version of the film interests Griff’s childhood hometown friends: the manic family man Doug (Jack Black), who can’t make a living as a wedding video-grapher; the just divorced lawyer Claire (Thandiwe Newton); and the light drinker and pill popper, the idiotic cameraman Kenny (Steve Zahn).
The group take out a loan to finance the movie and fly to the Amazon in Brazil. They hire a barge from the local captain Ana (Daniela Melchior) to go down the Amazon, who has stolen the boat and is being chased by men with guns she eludes and in appreciation of that feat is made the star of the film. The amateur filmmakers get their anaconda (digitally created) for the film from the weirdo snake handler Santiago (Selton Mello) and proceed to make a mess of things as they start filming.
The filming of the adventure story brings on a dumb silliness, crass sight gags and an unpleasant juvenile humor. It’s a toothless film that has no sustainable humor, bite or scares, and is painfully hard to stomach how moronic it is. It wastes a talented comedic cast with such a bad screenplay.
REVIEWED ON 12/27/2025 GRADE: C-
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