LOVE HURTS
(director/writer: Jonathan Eusebio; screenwriters: Matthew Murray/Josh Stoddard/Luke Passmore; cinematographer: Bridger Nielsen; editor: Elísabet Ronaldsdóttir; music: Domenic Lewis; cast: Rhys Darby (Kippy Betts), Cam Gigandet (Renny Merlo), Ke Huy Quan (Marvin Gamble), Daniel Wu (Knuckles), Ariana DeBose (Rose Carlisle), Lio Tipton (Ashley), Mustafa Shakir (The Raven), Marshawn Lynch (King Lynch), Andre Eriksen (Otis), Sean Astin (Cliff Cussick), Drew Scott (Jeff Zaks), Sephanie Sy (Sherry Reeber), Adam Hurtig (Chet Reeber), Liam Stewart-Kanigan (Toby), Yoko Hamamura (Eddie), Rawleigh Clementis-Willis (Burly Biker); Runtime: 83; MPAA Rating: R; producers: Guy Danella, David Leitch, Kelly McCormick; Universal Pictures; 2025)
“Not helped by a senseless plot.”
Reviewed by Dennis Schwartz
The John Wick stunt supervisor Jonathan Eusebio, in his feature film debut, directs this bizarre Valentine’s Day themed action-comedy mob flick. He co-writes it with Matthew Murray, Josh Stoddard, and Luke Passmore. Though it has a talented supporting cast, it’s not helped by a senseless plot.
The mild-mannered and diminutive Marvin Gable (Ke Huy Quan, underused in his first starring role after a long career since the 1980s and winning an Oscar for Everything Everywhere All At Once in 2022) loves being a real estate agent in Milwaukee, as he takes on a new identity while hiding from his past as a reformed hit man proficient in the martial arts. But his past catches up with him with the return of his former lover, his fellow mobster, Rose (Ariana DeBose), a woman he still cares about whom he thought was dead after trying to kill her. His mob boss brother Knuckles (Daniel Wu) ordered the hit because he wrongly accused her of stealing millions from his organization called The Company. Knuckles sends over a few of his incompetent goons, The Raven (Mustafa Shakir), King (Marshawn Lynch, the former star NFL running back), and Otis (André Eriksen), so they can kill her.
We know Rose is still alive because she sends Marvin a Valentine’s Day card that reveals she has returned because she learned who stole the money. Her return sets off a violent chain reaction, as the former lovers reunite (even if they have no chemistry together) and go on the run together from the mob.
In one violent scene Sean Astin, who plays Marvin’s mentor in the civilian sector, gets a ball-point pen pushed through his eye.
The film flops because its crime story is unconvincing, the characters are undeveloped, the comedy is silly and the inexperienced director lacks the ability to shoot a comedy.
The funniest bit has Marvin winning the Milwaukee Realtor of the Year award and becoming determined at all costs to protect that award with his life.
REVIEWED ON 2/11/2025 GRADE: C+
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