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GUNS (director/writer: Andy Sidaris; cinematographer: Howard Wexler; editor: Michael Haight; music: Richard Lyons; cast: Erik Estrada (Jack of Diamonds), Dona Speir (Donna Hamilton), Michael Shayne (Shane Abilene), Kym Malin (Kym), Liv Lindeland (Ace), Donna Spangler (Hugs Higgins), Chuck McCann (Abe), Allegra Curtis (Robyn), Chu Chu Malave (Cubby), Roberta Vasquez (Nicole Justin), Devin DeVasquez (Cash), Cynthia Brimhall (Edy Stark), Bruce Penhall (Bruce Christian), William Bumiller (Lucas), George Kee Cheung (Sifu), Phyllis Davis (Kathryn Hamilton), Danny Trejo (Tong); Runtime: 95; MPAA Rating: R; producer: Arlene Sidaris; Sony Home Entertainment; 1990)
To admit liking such trash says a lot about yourself.”

Reviewed by Dennis Schwartz

Andy Sidaris(“Fit to Kill”/”Do or Die”/”Picasso Trigger“) directs/writes an action pic for those who are admirers of boobs, lame one-liners, plenty of explosions and lots of characters to clutter the screen with idiotic talk.

Erik Estrada is a European arms dealer, smuggling weapons from China to South America and into America by way of Hawaii. He partners with underling Tong (Danny Trejo). The international crime lord lures the feds to Las Vegas to investigate a gruesome murder, while he gets things moving in his smuggling operation in Hawaii. Pursuing him are part-time federal secret agents, all of whom are busty chicks. I think you can see where we are going with this brain-dead sex and spy movie. At least six of the secret agents are Playboy playmates. If that wasn’t enough to wet one’s cheesy appetite, there’s one scene of nude oil wrestling and another of a playmate agent getting banged atop a motorcycle. For something more freaky, we can observe bumbling transvestite hit-men in action.

Boxer Chu Chu Malave has a minor role that’s no knock-out. Tony Curtis’ daughter Allegra might not have much of a role, but she has a great first name and a recognizable last name. Honors to best supporting actor must go to Chuck McCann‘s delightful hammy performance as a homicidal magician. The criteria for best acting, however, favors which of the ladies turns you on the most.

To admit liking such trash says a lot about yourself.


Dennis Schwartz: “Ozus’ World Movie Reviews”